Have u ever...

went through what i'm going through.

maybe everyone knows how hard it is was for me.

you are the last one who should say you know / you understand.

i have so much to say every night, so much to rant.

and i don't, cos i don't want to put you in the bad light in this space.

cos i want to focus on healing.

so why can't you give me a break?

do you know how it feels when i walked past the church and have the same image run through over my head again and again everytime?

do you know how it feels when my family actually doubted that maybe it's my fault which caused u to act that way?

do you know how it feels when my shoulder aches in the middle of the night just because i shifted my sleeping position?

do you know how it feels when my dad tells me i wasted a lot of his money?

do you know how it feels when my mum says they don't even hurt me this way?

do you know my bad dreams were to the extent i dreamt my sister abused me?

i've been nice enough.

and i don't wish to be nice anymore.

the hurt you inflicted, how things ended up this way.

it is all your fault.

i'm not going to take the blame for anything.

and if you are still trying to call or contact me or even call my mum,

whatever that's left of my feelings to you will just turn into disdain.

please just leave me alone, for good.

and never appear in my life anymore.

never. ever.

so stop trying to feel remorseful.

cos the more you feel guilty the more you still want to say nice things to my mum,

it is a total turn off.

if everything is so hard for you, deal with it.

stop seeking solace from my mum or anyone who knows me.

because this very selfish act of yours will just remind me of everything i went through,

where i spent so much effort in trying to forget and move on.

so, may this post suffice.